 Artist dies of shame, kangaroo looks on... The other week, for no particular reason, I imagined my husband organising my obituary using one of the photos he’s taken of me. He has an amazing knack of capturing hideous facial expressions. So, I decided that I might create a self portrait, at least I could control what the world saw after my demise. At the start of the project I admit I was feeling down, sifting through a bunch of images when you look your worst has that effect. However, a week later I was having a ball. Oh my goodness, I could never have imagined the power to be had in choosing what you look like. I actually laughed out loud (no really, I’m too old for this LOL stuff). My man kept giving me serious looks, worry in his eyes as I giggled away throughout my work. How can I describe being able to knock 20 years off your face with a few artful strokes, give yourself luscious lips without the pain and expense of surgery. Oh, and eyes, shining with youthful glamour. I looked amazing. Except for my hair of course, I just couldn’t get it right and decided I needed a break from myself. Very few photos show me without a kangaroo, they are the animal I love the best in the world. I adore painting roos, I added an orphaned red kangaroo called Ariel.  ……so after the excitement of doing that, a bit like having one chocolate. I decided I had to paint another. It was around this time that my imagination took hold. What if I could send out a message to mankind using this piece as a central hub. Produce a visual story of anguish and frustration? A panel of work to show the plight of an ordinary wildlife carer of kangaroos and the terrible impact man has on the species in Australia. Yes, I was on a roll.  Orphaned red kangaroo Peri By late afternoon, I’d come out of the stratosphere and out of nowhere decided as I was looking at myself, I’d created a big fat lie. So, I painted a few lines on my face, added lots of grey hairs, thinned my luscious lips and sat back to assess. I didn’t want to see that greying aging woman, who wonders if she has left it too late to do something meaningful with her life. In the reality of my heart, I feel a vibrant 30 year old, with so much good work still to do, with and for wildlife and I imagine I look great. I thought, “This is my painting, I want to be doing what I love doing and look like I’ve never looked.” You know what? I paint from the heart, I attempt to create what I see in my mind. So, I changed it back to how it was again and immediately felt better with the lie, because I realised it wasn’t. ...Not really.  'TRYING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE' - by Samantha Tro
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